i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize