and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
