I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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