yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
