Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
