youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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