if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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