How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
