He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
