I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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