So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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