Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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