I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
