I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
