Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: eviction party
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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