something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
