just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
