ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
