dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
