AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
