he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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