let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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