I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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