Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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