I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
