Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MIDGETS
????
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
