Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
