I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
