Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
