Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
