Me. At least after what I've been through.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
