I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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