I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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