I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize