you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
