Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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