fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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