She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
