hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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