you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
