I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
