I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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