u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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