I wish I could teleport
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
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