I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
