You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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