guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
