Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
