conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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