You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
