I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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