get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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