My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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