I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
