Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
