I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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