was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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