I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
