Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
