so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
