I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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